I am so afraid.

I finally see now that it's the only thing that can crush my spirit to bits. So I am very very careful about it.

<.<

>.>

Ignorance. Stupidity. General "not-knowing".

*shudder* ((>.<))

*sigh* Now I know what I want to be smart about things all the time. It reassures me that I'm still able to think, able to learn, and able to be un-dumb.

*shudder* ((>.<))

The word still sends shivers down my spine.

(:/ ) I have some growing up to do about this.

   Being alone is okay with me. I can do it and I can handle it. Being with others are some levels better. They're fun to talk to and I can practice my communication skills (apparently, I find that I still have some "twisted tongue" when I talk, such as repeating some syllables accidentally when I'm trying to say a word or mispronouncing words or even just tripping over tongue when saying something so it becomes incoherent). Oh yeah, and I'm not the best joke-maker there is (-.-). Coping with the latter though. It's not so bad, just a little sad I can't make people laugh so much.

Hmm. Perhaps it's hard to imagine me as a joker. (-_-) Again, coping. Perhaps I try too hard.

But now and forever, my greatest fear is stupidity. Idiocy, dumbness, ignorance, what have you.

*shudder* (((>.<)))

It's something I've yet to come to terms with.

And it's not really helping that I have a lot of immediate effects of "stupidity"-

*shudder* ((>.<))
 
*ahem*
-such as uselessness, exclusion, ostracism (that last one is a worst-case scenario).

*sigh* Black clouds go away! And don't come back, not ever, no way!

 - Doing paper work and signing out -
- reflector-of